Short People
A) When I was 14, I was the oldest I ever was. I’ve been getting younger ever since.
B. I was never a child actor. I was a child performer.
C. Having a child is like getting a tattoo…. on your face. You better be committed.
D. Once you have six children, you’re committed.
E. You know, I have seven children, so I guess I know some things about life.
F. Children are short people. Some you like, some you don't.
G. I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up.
H. Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?
I. Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.
J. The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation.
K. Children make up the best songs, anyway. Better than grown-ups. Kids are always working on songs and throwing them away, like little origami things or paper airplanes. They don't care if they lose it; they'll just make another one.
L. A lot of children don't have a developed aesthetic. I did. I made early choices in life, even about cloth; I liked flannel and not polyester.
M. It's very hard to get rich and famous at a young age and handle it well.
N. Someday I want to have children and give them all the love I never had.
O. Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
P. Most children turn out badly because they have the wrong parental image. This doesn't mean their parents are criminal. It means they are boring and cruel.
Q. You cannot write for children. They're much too complicated.
R. The place is very well and quiet and the children only scream in a low voice.
S. The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown.
T. If you've never been hated by your child, you've never been a parent.
U. When a child walks in the room, your child or anybody else’s child, do your eyes light up? That’s what they’re looking for.
V. Just as everybody has the vote including women, I think children should, because as a child is conscious of itself then it has to me an existence and has a stake in what happens.
W. Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
X. Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.
Y. I am half child, half ancient.
Z. Wu-Tang is for the children.
Mix-and-match—we’ll send three people who get it right a signed copy of Jenny Offill’s wonderful children’s book Sparky!—and here’s a kids mix to listen to while you work.
(Email: hq@moistworks.com + no cheating!)
(1) Cicero (2) Toni Morrison (3) Byron (4) Elizabeth Gilbert (5) Gloria Steinem (6) Bette Davis (7) Robert Griggs (8) Angela Carter (9) George W. Bush (10) Tom Waits (11) Marilyn Monroe (12) Christopher Walken (13) Bjork (14) Angelina Jolie (15) Gertrude Stein (16) James Baldwin (17) Hedy Lamarr (18) Shirley Temple Black (19) Barbara Bush (20) Samuel Butler (21) Stevie Wonder (22) Maurice Sendak (23) Patti Smith (24) Hitler (25) Randy Newman (26) Jesus of Nazareth
